Kung-Fu Pander

Dustin Hoffman, Angelina Jolie, Lucy Liu, and Jack Black
at the Cannes Film Festival Premiere of 'Kung Fu Panda'

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I'm bored.

ANGELINA JOLIE: I'm pregnant.

LUCY LIU: I'm one-note.

JACK BLACK: I'm WACKY!

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I'm kind of having an existential crisis right now.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Y'know, having children really helps with that.

LUCY LIU: [clears throat] Ahem, excuse me, Angie.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Hmm? What's up?

LUCY LIU: You and Fat Belly 2 are blocking my birthing hips--I mean my dress.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Excuse me?

LUCY LIU: Nothing. Nothing. Only YOU get to me mom-lady. Fine. FINE. I'll just stand over here and be nobody. Y'know what, just drop it okay? We'll talk about it later.

ANGELINA JOLIE: No, drop what? What are you talking about?

JACK BLACK: I'm FUNNY!

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I'm old.

LUCY LIU: I wanna get out of here.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Umm, hi, irrelevant TV star? What are you trying to say?

LUCY LIU: Nothing. NOTHING! Urg. Fine... This is my problem with you. I thought we were both on the bitch train to fame.

ANGELINA JOLIE: What bitch train? What is that?

LUCY LIU: We were hot sexy bitches. That was going to make us huge. And then you became Mother Teresa, while I became a lesbian vampire. And now I do mostly television.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Is that somehow my fault?

LUCY LIU: I feel like it must be. You bailed! What ever happened to the sex siren? I thought being a sex siren was in!

JACK BLACK: I think sex is in. Way in. And out. And in. And out.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I'm rich.

ANGELINA JOLIE: I'm sure it is, but I've got, like, fourteen kids now. Being a humanitarian is kinda more where things are going these days.

LUCY LIU: I have a dog.

JACK BLACK: I love dogs.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I'm a dog.

ANGELINA JOLIE: See? You have a dog. That's a start. Next you'll be recycling. Then, you'll be visiting villages in Rwanda.

LUCY LIU: Do I have to touch dirty people?

ANGELINA JOLIE: Yes.

LUCY LIU: [sighs]

ANGELINA JOLIE: It's fun, though. And while you're at it, you buy some pots, some scarves, some babies. And soon, you'll be me!

LUCY LIU: You really think so?

JACK BLACK: I don't think I"ll mind, as long as you have those tatas too.

DUSTIN HOFFMAN: I'm confused.

ANGELINA JOLIE: Me too.

LUCY LIU: Me too.

JACK BLACK: KUNG FU PANDA!!!

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